


Come Into My Closet

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Futurama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-11
Updated: 2003-12-11
Packaged: 2018-01-25 03:11:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1628510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robosexuality and robophobia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Into My Closet

**Author's Note:**

> Written for UserFriendly

 

 

Fry was lonely. Fry was lonely a lot, despite his friends and job and... everything. Leela was lonely too. Fry offered to take her out, but her standards weren't that low yet. 

"C'mon!" Fry said, pouting a little. 

"No," Leela said coldly. 

"What if I get other people to come?" Fry said, not wanting to stop trying. Even if it did mean another restraining order. He was reasonably sure there still were restraining orders. He wondered why Leela hadn't gotten one against Zapp Brannigan yet. 'Course, it was Zapp so... 

"That would make it a little better..." Leela said, making Fry have to remember what he'd said. 

"Great!" he said, after he backtracked enough. "And we won't almost kiss," he promised. "Again," he added, mumbling to himself. 

"All right." 

Amy, Hermes, and Bender didn't have anything better to do, so they went to a bar with Leela and Fry. It wasn't the coolest bar in the galaxy. It wasn't the coolest bar in the Solar System, or on Earth, or in New New York... It wasn't even the coolest bar on its block. There were some good things about it. It didn't have a cover charge that night. Dr. Zoidberg tagged along when he heard that. 

"So... Are you trying to find a cyclops again?" Fry asked Leela, tactlessly. Leela glared at him. She blinked. He hesitantly smiled, thinking of all the times she'd saved his life. He hoped some of that overwhelming gratitude would show on his face. If he looked cute and stupid enough, she wouldn't kill him. 

"No," she said finally. It'd worked. He got up from the table, not wanting to push her patience. "Why did you want to come here?" 

"I don't know. I just want..." He smiled uncertainly. Leela glared. Fry's heart fell into his stomach. "Never mind." He walked away. 

"Stupid, stupid, stupid..." 

"You forgot smelly," Bender pointed out. 

"I didn't forget it, I just... shut up." 

They sat at the bar. Fry tried to use his twentieth-century fame to impress girls. It almost worked on a few who were the intellectual equals of himself and Amy. Amy was out on the dance floor with some guy, or else he'd have tried to get back together with her. He wasn't doing so well on his own, and hanging out didn't seem bad... 

Each of the girls was scared off by Bender. While it was nice that Fry's lack of personal hygiene wasn't scaring them off for once, he was starting to get annoyed. He was a guy going places. He was pulling down _delivery boy_ money, after all. Not that it had ever impressed any girl. Ever. 

"You're cute," the latest girl said. Fry smiled. "But your.." She paused, and looked at Bender around Fry. 

"Friend!" Fry said quickly. "Bender's just my friend. And roommate. I live in his closet. And we work together." 

The girl rolled her eyes. "Right. Whatever. Look, I'm not robophobic. Some of my best friends are robosexuals. Course, they're fembots and girls so it's not as, you know, smelly. And gross. And disgusting. And ill-groomed." 

She was starting to sound like Leela. Fry liked her even more. "What's wrong with Bender?" Fry asked, confused. 

The girl rolled her eyes. "Well, you're robosexuals, right?" 

"No!" Fry screamed. 

"Look, it's fine," the girl said with a smile. "There's nothing wrong with it. Really. It's nice. Sweet, even." 

"She makes a convincing point, Fry," Bender said. 

The girl smiled. "See, your lover even agrees with me." Fry realized she was too smart for him. She was still talking. "I don't know what you're trying to prove, but you're not fooling anyone." She calmly took her drink and threw it in his face. "Jerk," she snapped, before she walked off. 

Fry's jaw dropped. Bender laughed. Fry turned to look at him. "She thinks we're robosexuals! And you didn't tell her otherwise!" 

"You're robophobic." 

"That's ridiculous." Fry wiped at his shirt with a napkin. "My best friend is a robot." 

"Just one robot? Why should I believe you?" 

Fry slumped. " _You_ are my best friend, Bender... Why couldn't you tell her I was your... whatever?" 

"My what?" Bender said, not helping him out any. 

"Uh... _debugger!_ " 

"You are not." 

Fry groaned. "I thought I was supposed to be your debugger so people won't think we're robosexuals." 

"But we are." Bender lit a cigar, and blew the smoke in Fry's face. "Didn't you know?" 

Fry blinked. He didn't think he'd heard Bender correctly. Maybe Bender had a new, hallucinogenic kind of cigars. Maybe Fry was dreaming. 

Maybe it was a squishy alien invasion, or brain slugs, or... something. "We're what?" 

"Robosexuals. Well, you are." Bender laughed. 

Fry's jaw dropped again. He wondered why he even bothered to pick it up. "We are?" 

"No, you are. It's why you're robophobic. I'm just doing what my program says." 

"I like robots, but..." 

"You're living with me, aren't you?" 

"Yeah, but I sleep in the closet!" 

"I cut off my antenna to be your roommate," Bender pointed out. 

"Yeeeeah, but... it's not like I asked you to do it. I liked that apartment, and we didn't have to be roommates and I'm not robophobic--" 

"When a person and a robot are in love, nothing can stand in their way. Not even antennas. And I can't live alone. I have to stay with you." 

"You feeling okay, Bender?" 

Bender laughed. "Yeah! I'm just messing with you, buddy. But we are robosexuals." 

"Are not! I have a huge, painful crush on Leela." 

"That just proves that you're stupid." 

"You're whacked out on electricity again, aren't you?" 

"No, I'm not." 

Fry tried to think of something. "But you said I was like a pet! Ha!" 

"You are." 

"But-but..." Fry came up with something to say, "but we've never had sex!" 

"Not yet." 

"YET?!" Fry screamed. No one looked at him, not even the robotic bartender. 

Bender finished his cigar, recycled his beer bottle, and got another one of each. 

"But... but you're the robophobic one. I think people and robots can date or..." Fry thought of Amy. "Or hang out or do stuff." 

"Really?" Bender asked. 

"Yeah!" Fry said, trying to figure out why they were having this conversation 

"So why haven't we had sex?" 

"Because you don't think robots and people should have sex! Unless it's you." Fry considered his own words. "Wait. I'm confused." 

"Heh heh heh," Bender laughed. 

"Do you want to..." Fry stopped. "Wait, are you in love with me?" 

"You love me, right?" 

Fry winced. "I'm your friend, and-and, and..." 

"And?" Bender asked, putting his cigar in an ashtray. He lit up another one. "You have to love me." 

"Do you love me or not, Bender?" Fry asked. Bender shrugged, and exhaled smoke in Fry's face. "I hate you." 

"Well, I love you. You little space heater." 

"What?" 

"I love you," Bender said slowly. 

"Because of your program?" 

"Maybe." Bender took a drag off his cigar. "You know, beneath your warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot." 

"Nuh-uh!" 

"Fry. I love you." Bender hugged Fry with one robotic arm. 

Fry pushed him away. "You _are_ whacked out on electricity!" 

"I. Love. You." 

"I love you too," Fry mumbled. 

"See!" Bender said, laughing. 

"But I love Leela too," Fry said quietly. 

Bender shrugged. "I know. She knows. Everyone knows. She doesn't love you." 

Fry hit his head on the bar. "I know, Bender." 

"So why do you love her?" 

Fry left his head on the bar. It seemed to belong there. "'Cos I'm stupid?" 

"Nah. You just need to move on. You know what's good for moving on?" 

"Sex with my roommate?" Fry said, picking up his head for a moment. 

"Yeah! Or a saucy puppet show." 

"I don't know..." 

"Saucy puppet show it is, then." 

"Uhm..." Fry looked around nervously. Leela was sitting at the table by herself. He could go talk to her. 

"And then I can show you my chainsaw slash vibrator attachment." 

"Uhm," Fry said again. "That sounds really great and possibly painful and all but... You think we could take things a little slower?" 

"You want to move out?" 

"No, no, I just... Uh. I don't know what to do. I thought we were friends and you changed that on me." 

"So?" 

"So... I like girls. And robots. And... I'll be right back." 

He went over to Leela. She sighed. "What do you want?" 

"Advice." 

She sighed. Her shoulders slumped. "What is it now, Fry?" 

"I... I..." Words were failing him. She didn't want anything to do with him. His shoulders were slumping now, even more than his usual bad posture. "Never mind..." 

He went back to Bender. "I... I can't do this tonight. I do love you, but... tonight just isn't good." 

"I understand, buddy." 

"You do?" 

"Yeah. She crushed your fragile little human heart. Good thing you have that backup robotic one, right?" 

"I guess." 

"You still want to go to the puppet show?" 

Fry smiled. "Sure." 

 


End file.
